my mom cooks good.

Hey.

Gage here.

I decided that my mom makes the best food ever. And just for me. (okay, so just for breakfast and lunch. She has to cook what dad wants for dinner. boo. He just doesn't get it)

I decided you needed to hear about what she made for lunch today.

1 potato, peeled, washed and diced.
2 or 3 slices of green pepper, diced.
1/2 cup of black beans, rinsed.
3 florets of broccoli.
1 handful of fresh cilantro, rinsed and chopped.
1/2 pat of butter.
(okay, you can add whatever vegetables you have in your fridge, at least that is what my mom says. I say I like it this way. Last week she made potatoes and fresh parsley. I mean come on, really? PARSLEY! I still ate it like a champ)

Put all of your veggies in boiling water.
(or steam them, whatever. My mom is laaaa-zy.)
Boil until tender. Add butter and cilantro. Stir to combine.

Yum.

That is how my mom forces me to eat vegetables. Okay, so not really. I love vegetables.

It's the milk in a sippy that gets to me. Blech! Oh, and how to keep my food in my bowl and not on the floor. Bwah-ha-ha.

p.s. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Being 1 is not too shabby.

What-I-would-have-said-on-Facebook Friday.

It's no secret (or maybe it is) that I hate what Facebook has done to my blogging skillz.

You may have noticed I deleted my facebook.

I hope it lasts.

I plan on devoting the time that I spent there, here.

I plan on being a better commenter, reader, blogger.

I plan a lot of things.

I hope this one works.

So on Fridays, I will post what I would have said on facebook.

In return, if you feel so inclined, you can tell me what I missed on Facebook this week. :)

Tune in Friday for What-I-Would-Have-Said-On-Facebook Friday!

part 4

part one here, part two here, part three here. You can see a recap of photos here.

The following days were some of the hardest days of our lives.

We were overcome with joy and love for the little boy that carried the name that we chose for him. We celebrated the arrival of a new little spirit here on earth, but my heart was heavy as I watched Korin cradle and hug and kiss Gage. You could see the love she had for him. You could feel it.

We didn't see Gage much during the next two days. We tried to give Korin as much space as we could bare. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to support her. I wanted her to know of the love we had for her. We did what we thought best. We waited. We went to movies, we went window shopping, we waited in the waiting room hoping that by chance we'd get to see a glimpse of our baby. It was so hard to know that just down the hall, there was a little babe, hopefully our babe. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him. We waited some more.

We were able to see him a couple of times on Thursday. Korin was so sweet. When she knew we were at the hospital, she wanted us to be with Gage. She wanted us to hold him. I loved watching her with him.

Thursday night was hard. You can read more about that here. Dustyn and I hung out at our ghetto hotel and prepared Korin's package.

(Here is where I tell you that I kind of combined a few days into one, so my post is not so accurate. Here is the timeline of events, to clear up any confusion. Ha ha
Wednesday, March 24 - Korin is in labor, we head to the hospital.
Thursday, March 25 @ 12:05 a.m. - Gage arrives.
Friday, March 26 - Placement Day
Saturday, March 27 - Gage and Korin are released from the hospital.)

Friday was placement day. At 2:00 p.m. Dustyn and I had stalled and waited as long as we could to head to the hospital. We gave ourselves over an hour to get there. We figured we'd be in the waiting room for 45 minutes or so. We headed out. We were heading south on I-15 when the freeway came to a standstill. We were stuck. We were stuck for a long time.

I was panicking.

How stupid would we look showing up late for placement?

The drive that should have taken 10-15 minutes took us almost an hour. The longest hour ever.

Thankfully we made it in time. Korin's case worker took us in a room and we read through and signed our paperwork. She then took us in to see Korin. Korin handed me Gage while she completed her paperwork. She was brave, strong, and sure.

That was it, It was done. Gage was our baby.

I held Gage as she opened her presents. We shed a few tears. She gave us an "It's a boy" balloon and some gifts for Gage. I handed Gage back to Korin and we left for the night. The last night away from our baby. We knew Korin would take good care of him and would tell him how much we loved him while we were away.

Dustyn and I tried to find anything to keep us busy, again. I think we went to a movie. We went and got new tires put on our car. (Having our car in tip top condition was suddenly a priority) We bought last minute items. We bought formula. And, we waited.

I don't know how much any of us slept that night.

On Saturday we headed to the hospital to say our goodbyes.

Hardest day ever.

My heart was so full of joy and love as we watched Korin dress Gage in the clothes that we had bought for him. We cried as she swaddled him and looked at him. I didn't want that moment to end.

I didn't want to leave her. I wanted to hug her and cry with her. How could a heart hurt so much when there was so much joy in the world.

We hugged. We cried. We promised to take care of him. We promise to love him. We promised to call when we we made it home safely. We cried some more.

As Korin and her Mom left the room, I sobbed. And sobbed. Loud ugly sobbs. My heart broke into a million pieces, but this babe in my arms caught every piece. He healed my heart again and again. I knew Korin would be okay. She was amazing. She was loving. She had dreams and goals. I knew she would make it. I knew that  some of the most grueling days for her were still ahead. I knew she hurt. More than I could even imagine. But I knew she would be okay.

We drove home.

It was so surreal to be driving home with a BABY in the car seat. I never thought that day would come.

Our lives were changed forever. We are so grateful.

A year later, Korin is doing so well. Our love for her and her family has grown. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments. I know she will do great things as she continues to follow her dreams.

I love open adoption.

(posts about all of Gage's birthday festivities and part 4, coming soon. Hopefully sooner than later)

We had one of the best visits ever with Korin over the weekend. More about that later, but for now, I want to share a photo with you.

So very thankful.
(painting by Dustyn)

happy birthday little man.

Dear Gage,

You are loved by so many.

You brighten our lives and make each moment that much better.

Thank you keeping us laughing.

Thank you for loving us.

Happy Birthday Bug!

We love you Always.

Mom and Dad

part 4

is coming soon.

The birthday preparations took much longer than expected. I can't wait to share!

I am very excited that we get to see Korin tomorrow!

I love open adoption.... just in case you hadn't noticed. ;)

part 3

part one here, part two here.

(side notes: I was looking through my facebook and I remember a few more things. I had been sick with a cold for the entire previous week and was still fighting it a little. At Korin's last appointment on 22nd, she was dilated to a 3, 100% effaced and a 10 on a scale of one to ten for being favorable to deliver. At that last appointment, we went to Dairy Queen and took a few pictures of her behind the building. I had a feeling this was the last time we would see her pregnant. :)  Korin was due on April 5th. My brother Jace and Katie's wedding was scheduled for April 1st. Dustyn was the photographer. I remember it being a very stressful few weeks wondering if we should find a new photographer. Katie had been living in our house since January. She moved out on March 24th, around noon. She had got up early and cleaned my kitchen and tidied up my house a bit. So nice, since we left for the hospital at 3:45 or so)


We were ready. We were packed. We may or may not have already had everything in the car, just waiting for that one phone call.

154 miles. 2 hours and 41 minutes.

"Well, Korin is in labor and they have admitted her to the hospital. She should have the baby today," she said.

As calmly as I could, "We are on our way!"

I could feel my heart. It was pounding out of my chest.

I called Dustyn and tried to talk without shaking. "Are you ready to go meet our baby?"

"WHAT? She's in labor? I am heading home now!"

Longest 15 minute commute ever.

We jumped in the car, fueled up and we were on our way. I think it was within 20 minutes of the phone call.

We were hurrying as fast as we could go without speeding. It was rush hour on the freeways. So much for that 2 hour and 41 minute drive. Once we got into the city, I am positive we hit every red light. I wanted to stop and get her flowers, I was too scared. I didn't want to miss it. I don't think I have ever been in more of a hurry to get somewhere. Ever.

We arrived at the hospital. I think it was around 6:50 p.m. or so. We found our way to the labor and delivery floor. We weren't sure what to do. We told the nurse the room number. We didn't have enough information or something, so I called Korin's mom and told her we were there. She came out and met us at the door. She took us back to see Korin.

I couldn't believe we were there. Waiting.

Korin was exceptionally brave and strong as we greeted her. She had been in labor since just before noon (i think). She had already had a long day. We sat with her for a little while. We talked about the name she had chosen for Gage's middle name. Edward. We watched as every few minutes she would cringe at every contraction. They were getting worse and we wanted to give her space. We headed to the waiting room. My parents, grandma and Dustyn's mom had arrived at the hospital. We had called them as we were heading out of town.

We sat in the waiting room for a few hours. As we were waiting, a lot of Korin's family came to visit her. We were able to meet her dad, her grandmother and a handful of aunts and other family members. Korin's grandma sat with us for at least an hour and told us all about her family, where they grew up and all about Gage's family lineage. I was sad because I knew I would not remember a thing. I was too nervous, excited and just tense. I told her that I would love if she would write some it down. I hope someday she does. I am glad we got to learn so much about Korin's family, even if I don't remember a single thing.

She also told us about Gage's middle name. It was a family name that had been passed down for generations. (Again, I WISH I could remember all of these conversations) I think it went back for at least four generations? Maybe more. I was so happy that Gage had a middle name from Korin that was a family name.

Every hour or so, Korin's mom would come out and let us know of her progress. She was progressing slowly. At 11:00 p.m. she came out and told us that Korin was at a 9 and that she would probably have the baby in the next hour. This is when my stomach started churning. I definitely had butterflies and I could have puked if I would have let myself.

It was around 11:55 p.m. when Korin's mom came out and told us that they were ready for us. Korin had a tough labor and her epidural hadn't been doing much good. She was wore out. She was tired. My heart ached for her. I couldn't believe that someone could go through so much to make my dreams come true. I don't think there could be a better example of Christ-like love and charity. She was suffering for me. For my family. It made me feel a little selfish. But that is the amazing thing about adoption. We were helping her as much as she was helping us. We were going to provide, care for and love her baby forever. He is surrounded by so many people that love him. There is so much love involved in adoption. I could try to tell you how much, but unless you have been involved in an adoption, it's hard to imagine the love that you can have for someone who carried your child and placed him in your arms. Before Korin, I could try imagine how much we would love our birthmother, but I was not prepared with the intensity of that love. Every time I think about Korin, my heart feels as though it will burst. I feel that same love for Gage. I know Korin feels the same way about us. And most definitely for Gage. Adoption is not easy, but it is because of that, that there are so many intense feelings of joy and love.

(I know that even if you have your own biological children, you feel the same love. But, since Gage is adopted, I associate this feeling with adoption. :)  )

We walked in the room. Labor and delivery is probably one of the most intense things I have ever experienced. When I had Hannah, sure I had experienced a little of it, but watching it was a new experience. Within minutes, the doctor had arrived. On March 25, 2010 at 12:05 a.m. Gage Edward was born. Miracles. The experience was amazing. As Gage was arriving, Korin looked at me with so many emotions in her eyes. I still don't know what she was thinking as she looked up at me, but my heart overflowed. I began sobbing. I will never forget the way she looked up at me. It is the one moment that I can not forget. The one that I play in my head daily.

Gage arrived strong and healthy. He weighed in at 6 lbs and 13 oz. He was 20 inches long and had lots of dark hair. He was beautiful. The most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I was still sobbing. They took him over and cleaned him up. There I sat with my hand on Korin's arm. I didn't want to leave her, but I wanted to go see Gage. I wanted to see what he looked like. Every detail. I finally asked if I could go see him. She of course said, YES!! Again, another day/moment I want to relive.

After they were done, they wrapped him up and handed him to Korin. It was a beautiful moment. She immediately wanted me to hold him. I was torn. I wanted her to enjoy her moment with him, but I wanted to hold him. She handed him to me. I could not hold back my emotions. At. All. There I sat holding a baby that a beautiful young girl placed in my arms. Not even 25 minutes old.

Tears. Lots of tears.

I passed him to Dustyn. Dustyn too was in awe. He struggled to control his emotions.

Then Korin's mom held him.

Korin said it was okay for us to invite our parents in. They quickly took a peek and headed on their way.

We wanted to give Korin more time. We went into the lobby. We found some paper and pens and wrote letters to Korin. I don't remember a thing I wrote. I'm sure it was a jumbled mess that made no sense. How do you tell someone, your hero, thank you or how amazing you think they are? I may have shed a lot more tears.

We were getting ready to leave the hospital when Korin and her mom came out of her room. We were just going to go say goodbye. They were going to go outside to get some fresh air. We gave her a hug, our letters and said goodbye.

Korin told us we could go see Gage in the nursery before we left.

I think it was about 1:30 a.m. We shyly walked in. Korin had them give me the other wrist band so I would be allowed to have access to him in the nursery. We walked in and watched him for a minute. One of nurses checked the nursing room and found it empty. She invited us to take Gage in there and have some time alone with him. We sat there for fifteen or twenty minutes, in tears. Our (soon to be) family of three.

part 2

You can read part one here, more about "the call" here, and more about our first face-to-face here (the comments are my favorite) and here.

We were beginning to wonder if we were going to hear from her again. (silly, I know)

After a few weeks finally received an email from Korin through the agency. I was so excited. We emailed back and forth a few times and she invited us to come to her doctor appointments. (yay!) We also arranged to drop a few things off to her. 

A few days before we were going to meet, I got an email with ultrasound pictures! Best email ever.

We met with her for a few minutes on December 19th. We had stopped by her work just to drop off some Christmas presents. It was so good to see her again. Every time we saw her, my doubts and worries flew out the window. She was so sure in her decision. So sure about us.

She asked us a few questions. This was our second time meeting her and talking with her. She started out by asking us if we would mind if she got an epidural. I replied with an, "Of course not!" Then she asked if we would like to be in the delivery room. I never thought I would have the chance to witness one of our child's births. As an adoptive couple, that is just something that you have to accept will probably never happen. I was so very excited! Of course we said yes! She asked what we wanted to name the baby and if we were going to have a baby shower. She also said if we did, she would come. We also asked her to chose the baby's middle name. 

On January 12th, two days after our 6th anniversary, we met Korin for her doctors appointment. We drove up to the hospital, but we didn't know where we were suppose to go or what her doctors name was. We called her case worker and of course she couldn't tell us anything. We sat there wondering what to do. The time for her appointment was nearing (within minutes). Of course the first thing that came to our minds, had she changed her mind? Yes, maybe we are a little pessimistic. All of our past experiences had left us jaded. I was ashamed of myself for doubting her, but what else could we do. Everything we knew about adoption lead us to believe that maybe this was the case. Maybe this was all too good to be true. 

Just as I was ready to break down and lose it, my phone rang. It was her. Korin! 

We quickly drove over and met her in the office. As we sat and waited, we were quiet. We chatted a little, but neither of us talk very much. I didn't mind. I just loved that we were there with her. I loved watching her interact with her one year old son.

As we went into the exam room, I wondered if the doctor had any idea why she had another couple in stow with her. (After Gage was born, I asked Korin if he was aware and he in fact did know the situation) He measured her and did all that he needed to do. He listened to the heartbeat and even left it there a little longer to make sure that we had a chance to hear it. You can read more about that here.

Korin had to take her glucose test and have some blood work done. While we were waiting we had the chance to visit with her and her mom for about an hour or so. It was good to get to know her a little better. Afterwards we went out to eat and spent a few more hours getting acquainted. It was basically a perfect day. One that I would not mind reliving.

Over the next 3 months, I was able to go to all but one doctors appointment with her (she had just started appointments every other week). I am so glad we were able spend so much time with her and her mom.

Mid-February we had a baby shower at the Olive Garden in Provo. We invited our immediate family. It was fun for our family to meet Korin. We were also able to meet her step-father.

While we were waiting for Gage to arrive, I had a long-term subbing job. It lasted for 5 weeks. It helped the days go by quickly. I think I worked up until the 15th or so of March. I was so nervous that I was going to be working when we got the phone call. A waiting post here and here.

On March 24th I was doing a few things around the house. I was standing in my bedroom around 3:20 p.m. when my phone rang. It was Korin's mom.

part 1

While we were hoping to adopt, I am not sure if we ever thought it would happen for us. Sure we hoped it would, but deep down I didn't know if we would ever be apart of the "successful adoption" world. We'd give anything to be, but I didn't know if we had any fight left in us. I wasn't convinced we could endure to the end. 

We were ready to give up. I wanted to take our profile offline and just be done. I think in my head, we were done. I was tired of trying and tired of talking adoption. I wanted a break from it all. It had been over three years. Three years is a long time to keep hoping. (at least it is for me)

Enter November 25, 2009. The phone call. 

It was a Wednesday, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Dustyn and I were both home. We were cleaning and preparing food. I saw LDS Family Services on the caller ID. I shrugged and gave the phone to Dustyn. I was sure it was just our case worker checking to make sure we were still alive. It had been months and months since we had touched base with him. 

I heard Dustyn talking, "Oh, Hey Scott." 

Huh? Scott? Why is he calling us? He's not our caseworker. As the conversation continued I could tell this was not a touching base sort of call. This was a real call. The first one we had received from our agency in the 38 months that we had been waiting. My heart was racing. As Dustyn hung up the phone, I wanted to know everything that was said. He couldn't remember, only that there was a girl named Korin that was 19, pregnant with a boy and wanted to meet with us. 

That was it. That was all that we knew. But really, it was all we needed to know. 

To say we were excited is an understatement. On top of all that excitement we were nervous. I can't even tell you how many failed situations we had. Or how many scams we had encountered. Or how many potential birth mothers we had talked to and met with. How many times could it not work out before it worked out. Was this one of those times? Again? Could we make it through again? Did we really want to give this a chance? Taking a chance meant the possibility of our hearts being crushed again. We weren't sure how many times our hearts could be glued back together before all of the pieces were lost. 

I was done. I wanted to live my childless life and be happy. Sure, it might be a selfish life, but I wanted it.

Eleven days later we met Korin and our world changed. I was ready to fight again. I was ready to endure. She had returned hope, the hope we had once lost.

When she was looking over profiles, she wanted to find a couple that had at least one hispanic parent. It was important for her because the baby that she was carrying was half hispanic. His birth father was from Mexico (as far as we know). She wanted to find a family where he could fit in. 

As she was reading profiles, she came across ours. She read it and moved on. She came back. And back again. She felt something in her gut. A gut feeling that told her we were to be her baby's parents. She showed her mom and her mom felt the same way. Sure, we didn't fit her criteria, but she couldn't ignore that gut feeling. 

So, she had her case worker make the call. 

(this is all MY account of her story from what I can recall. I may be completely off, just so you know)

On December 7th, we met Korin. She looked so familiar, like I knew her. She was quiet, mature, strong, beautiful, and loving. Above all, what I remember on that day, she was sure. She knew what she wanted.  She wanted to do what she though was best for her baby. The baby she loves.

I was in awe of her. 

I still am. 

As we left that building, I was in shock. Is this really going to happen for us? 

We didn't hear anything for a few weeks. 

(part two is hopefully coming soon)

one year.

I can't believe my baby is approaching one year old.

His little (or big) personality is coming out more everyday.

He is a fiesty boy full of energy.

He never stops.

He is quite funny and makes us laugh all day.

He knows just what he wants and isn't afraid and letting you know how he feels about not getting it.

He is loud and full of squeals (and I mean high pitched squeals that make you cringe). We get a lot of looks at Walmart wondering who the parents are that are letting their child scream like that in public. :) We have considered weaning the binkie now, but when I think about the squeals at church, I am not sure how I feel about that. He does so good just sitting on my lap and playing at the moment. I am afraid to ruin that. ha ha.

He loves to lick EVERYTHING!

He crawls everywhere and is into everything.

He loves to sing and to dance.

He loves books.

He loves his blanket.

He is a momma's boy.

He laughs at himself all the time.

He is the most handsome boy I know, of course I am biased, but wouldn't you be?

We love him more than we thought possible.

We love Korin. We love that she is a part of our family.



We love adoption.



I hope to bring more of our story to you this week. (of course that all depends on Mr. G)

beef stroganoff anyone?

Just in case you missed Dustyn's TV debut (like I did), you can find it here.

By the way - Dustyn said this Beef Stroganoff is really good. He said I would even like it. That is saying a lot. Beef Stroganoff happens to be one of my least favorite foods.

Oh, and today I am guest posting over at Sell Party Of Four. Evonne is having a week long baby food special! Make sure you check it out. There are a lot of great ideas and opinions being shared.