grandpa's hat

it's a big hat to fill.

I hope that through the years we can teach Gage just how to fill it.

Sad day.

My Chi died. :(
Luckily they are a LOT cheaper now then they were when I got mine 6 years ago.
I miss it already.

(Does anyone know a really good straightener that I could buy at Wal-Mart? Which one is the best for stubborn FRIZZY hair?)

But on a happier note...

Question 4: Do you always wear a seatbelt?

Answer: Yes. Sometimes I try to be stubborn and drive the short 3 or 4 block trip... but in the end I usually end up putting it on no matter what, just so I can stop thinking about it and freaking out about it.

So many things...

I am so sad for so many families right now. Adoption is hard. Please pray for this family, this family, this family, and this family. And sadly, I know there are many more out there facing hard aches. Why does adoption have to be so hard, yet so wonderful. I suppose that is why. Things that are the hardest, always turn out the most wonderful.

Definitely a hard week for adoption.

But there are so many wonderful things happening all around at the same time! I love the Christmas season! I love that it is a season of giving and love.

I am so excited to adopt. I love adoption and the wonderful experience that I get to be a part of. I know it will be hard. Harder than I can even imagine right now. But I know it will be wonderful and totally worth the heart ache.

Heavenly Father loves us and he wants to bless us. He know what experiences will help us for our good. He knows what will make us into the best possible people we can be. He knows each and everyone of us. He knows what we need. I am thankful for this. I am thankful that we have been through the trials that we have had. They have and continue to make us better people. Preparing us to be better parents.

I love this time of year. I love thinking about the many blessings I have in my life. I love remembering the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ and the Atonement. We are so blessed!

My family needs help.

This is a letter that my Aunt sent me about my cousins.  Some of you may know Mistie (Mistie Borg Myler - RHS class of 1979).   If you are in the position to help, please contact Aunt Teresa.  Please feel free to pass along the information to anyone you know.

Thank you so much.  It means a lot to my family.

Mistie Myler is the mother of 5 young children. For the past several months Mistie has been suffering from headaches which despite physical therapy continued to grow in intensity. The Doctors finally ordered an MRI which is when they found a tumor the size of a golf ball they scheduled surgery for the following morning and due to the rapidity in the tumors growth it was now the size of a large lemon----over night! The tumor was located on the left portion of her cerebellum. Following a biopsy it was determined to be a very deadly form of cancer (Medulloblastoma) due to the invasive nature of the cancer it is going to require at least 6 weeks of Radiation (5 days per week) AND Chemo therapy on her head and spine. She will get radiation sickness & rash (& pealing skin); hair, memory, math skills loss as well as an impaired immunity system. She will be extremely sick & weak from the aggressive treatments & will need to stay in Cedar City for the radiation therapy and the beginning of her Chemo treatments. They are hoping to be able to complete her Chemo in Gunnison which would allow her to be with her husband and older children during this scary battle. Her 2 1/2 year old daughter is with family (Justin’s sister Lisa) in Arizona. Justin will bring the other children to visit Mistie in Cedar City each weekend if they are healthy. But the youngest will remain in Arizona until Mistie is strong enough to be able to take care of her. Although it is HARD for their little Laura to be gone they knew that it was easier on her to be in one place and not shuffled back and forth between homes while Mistie is gone and Justin is working and taking care of the older kids.

Justin has been struggling with debilitating headaches and seizures the past several years, and yet he has still worked hard and been able to support his family. Mistie and some of the children suffer from asthma which has lead to periodic hospitalizations and on going treatments. These factors may seem small but when put together they have prevented them from being able to fix up their small 3 bedroom mobile home as quickly as they would have liked to. But it is theirs and they love it and it was sufficient for their needs until a few months ago when Mistie's aunt came to live with them; after they learned she was not being cared for properly. Mistie’s aunt is a very kind person but suffers from several health conditions which require daily assistance and Justin and Mistie could not stand the thought of her not being properly taken care of so they invited her to move in with their family. However with her moving in this has put their 3 sons out of a bedroom and they are now sleeping on the couch, recliner and floor in the small front room until they finish the basement. Finishing the basement seemed like an easy thing to do, however, in light of what is now happening in their family the time and money has to be spent elsewhere. When the basement is finished there will be enough room for a bedroom and a food storage room. Right now the only entrance is from the outside so there needs to be some light carpentry work done so it can be accessed from within the home.

Despite there circumstances both Justin and Mistie have served each other, their children and their communities. Because of their love and service there have been many that have been blessed, and never have they expected a return. Both Justin and Mistie serve diligently in their respective callings in the church and refuse to let these problems get them down. However as many of us know it can be consuming trying to do it all and with the fear of the unknown staring them in the face their time and efforts have just become more complicated. BUT their attitude is great “What good would it do to just sit in bed and cry”. Their faith and determination WILL get them through this trial but family and friends can help ease the burdens. If we can lighten their load even a little it will be received with open arms.

I am asking for you & your children to contact all your friends, family, co-workers etc. and share Mistie's story. Ask for a small donation for them.
Also, ask them to contact their friends and family for donations too. Explain that we are only asking for small donations ($5 to $10 per person in most cases). This way no one is burdened and many can help. Please forward this to anyone who may want to help, if a lot help a little miracles can happen.

I will bring the donations to Justin and Mistie the last week in December when I come to help watch children and do some repairs and painting to make their home feel more comfortable. If you have any questions or can offer any help I can be reached at 480-704-4333. We will need helpers to help with light carpentry work and painting. Donations of supplies can be dropped off at the Myler home in Sigurd or we can pick them up if you are in the Richfield area.

May you and your families be blessed during this holiday season and remember to cherish your loved ones and never take them for granted; we never know what the future may hold. Merry Christmas, and thank you!

With Love,

Tess Teeples (Justin’s Mom)

Donations can be made out and sent to:

Teresa Teeples (Justin’s Mom)
3400 S. Ironwood Dr. Lot 348
Apache Junction, Az. 85330

Lost.

I hate it when I lose something important.  Something that means everything to me.  

I know I have mentioned it before, but I lost all the pictures that we took the day that Hannah was born.  (The hospital gave us a disposable camera)   I honestly don't think I have seen them for years.  I have no idea where to look.  I have looked everywhere time and time again.  But still, they are lost.

Tonight, I suddenly had the urgency to find them!  I must find them tonight.  That is all that I have thought about all day (and well...  for the past 3.5+ years).  All day I imagined looking for the photos and finding them and writing a nice post with a new picture of my beautiful daughter to post with it.  A picture of our little family together.  Maybe heal my heart a little.

I can't find them.

I have searched all the places that I have searched a million times and they still aren't there.  (There aren't many places to search in our house).  I would stay up all night looking, if I knew where to look.

It always makes me completely sick.  Physically sick.  How could I possibly lose the only pictures of my daughter?  (We still have the ones the hospital took, thankfully)  I mean really, where could they have gone?  Did we leave them at our previous house?  Should I go knock on the door and ask?  Can I really go another year without finding them?  After 4 years, I thought we would find them.  I need to find them.

With or without pictures...  

Happy Angel Day my baby.  I love you so much.  I can't wait to be with you again. 

I thought this year would be easier.  I thought after 4 years my heart has begun to heal.  I know we will be with her again and I know she is with all of our many loved ones that have passed on.  How can I be sad?  And here I sit bawling like a baby because I can't find my pictures.   

I can't believe it's been 4 years.

Pass-along cards? Anyone? Anyone?

Do you ever have a hard time titling your post?  I do.

Well...  our pass-along cards are done! YAY!  I know most of you are thinking that it is about time we finally got on that.  I mean after all, it's only been two years!  I know!  Anyways, I'd love to share some with you!  If you want a few (when we get them... we don't actually have them yet.  But soon.  If you happen to be taking a trip to St. George soon, let me know!) email me your address and I will send you a few!  dustynkamieATgmailDOTcom   I am so excited to see them! Yipee!  THANK YOU UNCLE MATT!  Oh, and incase you missed it or forgot, we need your pass-along cards!  We have an adoption board hanging in Dustyn's classroom.  I am also going to take some to the local hospital and women's shelter.  So feel free to email me and I will send you my address.

Anyways... on to my day.  It was a pretty good one!  My dad text me and asked me if I wanted to attend a funeral with him.  Of course I said yes.  It was the funeral of his cousin's husband.  It really was a great funeral.  I am so glad I went.  Kent was a great man!  I didn't know him well and only saw him occasionally around the holidays.  But I learned a lot about him today.  He really lived a good life.  He was a great man who was loved by many!

During the funeral there were so many great things that were said.  But since this week brings the 4th year anniversary of losing our Hannah, there was one thing that stuck in my mind.  They were talking about life and how there are 3 stages.  Kind of like a 3 act play.  (President Packer has talked about this before)  We are currently in the 2nd act.  When we leave the 1st act and come into the 2nd act (this mortal existence) there are so many people that are happy to see us and to be a part of our lives.  It is the same way when we leave this life.  We may feel sad, but there are so many more people on the other side that are happy to see our loved ones, just as it was when we arrived on earth.  It makes me happy to think about all my many wonderful relatives that have passed on that are taking care of my baby.  She is there with so many dear people.  My grandfather, Dustyn's father, Dustyn's sister, and many, many great grandparents... just to name a few.  How can we be sad about that?  She is with people we love who love her dearly.  What a blessed plan our Heavenly Father created.  He loves us so much.  I am so thankful of the knowledge that I have of the Plan of Salvation!  I am so excited to be reunited with my dear family members who have passed on.  And even meet a few that I never had the opportunity to know.  What a happy day!  (But I am hoping it is about 50+ years down the road!  :)

After the funeral, my dad and I picked up Dustyn and we went for a drive to see if we could see any deer.  We saw two bucks, but no luck.  Maybe tomorrow.

It really turned out to be a good day.  

There were so many other things that I wanted to say today, but my brain is blank.  So I guess that is all for a Monday.  We'll see how Tuesday turns out!

Finally Back . . .

to blog world. It was so great to go on Vacation, but I am so not ready to be back to real life. (Although, we still have a little under a month of summer vacation left, then real life starts up again for real!)

Vacation was good, more on that later. I have a lot to post, but it may take me awhile. It is so hard for me to blog in the Summer time. :)

I have to apologize to all my favorite bloggers for my lack of comments. I think there were about 175 posts on my reader when I got home. So basically I am doing well just getting caught up on everyone! So I will get back to commenting soon! But I have read all your posts. Just too lazy to comment.

I came across some really exciting posts like this one, this one and this one. So many wonderful things happening!

But my heart broke when I came across Marc and Megan's blog. My thoughts and prayers have been with them. I wish I could be there. I wish I could hug them and cry with them. I wish I could help their hearts heal. I wish I knew the answers. But what an amazing reunion when we are all with our babies again. Love you guys.

My friend Kim wrote a post a week or so ago about Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage. I have thought a lot about it since then. It seems like I have so many friends experiencing pregnancy/infant loss right now. It hurts me to know they are hurting. It also makes my heart yearn for my Hannah. Oh how I miss her. But I am thankful Kim posted this.  I am thankful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have that Families Can be Together Forever!  This is what gets me through the tough times.  I am so excited to know and learn about my sweet baby.   

My head hurts.

I have had the worst headache for about three weeks straight. It is getting on my nerves. I just can't take it any longer. Grr...

This just hasn't been a great week. A sad week. There have been numerous sad events. Heart breaking events.

My heart and love goes to all the families that are dealing with these tragedies. I love you all. My thoughts and prayers are with you.