dear baby girl

I can't believe it's been 6 years.

Every once in awhile we still have a hard day and wonder why you had to leave us so early.

Knowing you are okay makes us happy. We only want you to be happy.

We miss you, but our heartache has lessened over the years. That doesn't mean we don't love you just as much. It just means that our hearts are healing. 

We can finally think about you and celebrate your short life and appreciate the experiences with joy instead of tears.

This last 6 months with your baby brother have been hard on us in a way. As we watch him go through stages and milestones, we wonder what it would have been like to watch you grow and learn. We wonder if you would laugh and giggle when we make silly faces at you or tickle your back. If you would be a petite little girl and actually fit into your 6 month clothes when you were 6 months old. If you would make squirmy faces when we give you vitamins. If you would be a snuggly baby and let your mom give you hugs and kisses, unlike your brother. 

Today on this special day, we are going to take your little brother to the temple to be sealed to our eternal family. What an amazing day to think of you and to celebrate both of our beautiful children. 

We love you and can't wait to be with you again. 

Love, 

Mom, Dad and Gage

p.s. You have the cutest baby brother ever. I can't wait to see you together someday. He is lucky to have a beautiful big sister like you. 

one week from tomorrow

it will be the sixth anniversary of Hannah's birth.

Gage, Dustyn and I will be sealed as an eternal family.

What an amazing journey we have had.

I love this one!

(Image courtesy of Jake Chesley)

How does a picture a day sound? :)

fortune, anyone?

We went to a chinese restaurant on Saturday with the rest of my family.

The waitress gave me two fortune cookies.
They were both great fortunes.

One was that I would walk on the sand of many countries through out my life (or something like that). I have no problems with that at all. I love to travel.

The next one said that I would find something that was very important to me in the coming week. I giggled a little to Dustyn and in a sarcastic voice said, "Hmm... maybe I will find my pictures this week. ha ha."

(this is just a picture of a picture... i need to scan them in. I was just too excited to tell you)

Wanna know more about Me? (aka Lady-Queen-Kam)

So you think you want to know more about this scary girl:

Okay then... here we go!

Here are the reader submitted questions:

➪Lease favorite food(s): mushrooms, ham, milk, bananas.

➪Favorite book: Of course I am a huge fan of the Twilight series! (go Edward! Although Alice is my favorite character) I do love me a good LDS Romance every now and again. I have read a lot of Nicholas Sparks book, but get bored of them quickly. I really like Clair Poulson books and other mystery/crime type of books. I plan on picking up a Nora Roberts book in the near future. Everyone seems to always suggest her books. We'll see. If you have any great suggestions, I'd love to hear them! I recently learned that maybe it's better to get a suggestion before you go out and buy a random book. You never know what will be inside.

➪Favorite fictional character: This is a tough one! I did mention earlier that I do love Alice Cullen! (as well as Edward. Totally NOT a Jacob fan) But I seem to be obsessed with which ever character I have seen most recently in a movie. I am weird like that. Somehow I find a way to relate to whatever movie I am watching. This is a really good question that I would love to revisit at a later date.

➪What do you do if you have free time? Honestly? I Plurk. I totally can not get enough of my Plurk friends. Especially Aubrey and Marci. I love them to pieces! They are always there to listen to me vent, make me smile, laugh (and I do mean LAUGH) and always there for a good cry. Seriously they are the best.
If I am not plurking, you can find me watching movies, playing the Wii, playing on my iPod, or just chillin' with Dustyn. We also LOVE going for rides and absolutely can not get enough time camping. I love free time!

➪Who is your "superhero" in life? I would have to say birth mothers/birth parents. I am in complete awe of them. They make one of the most difficult decisions to help someone else's dreams come true. What a selfless decision. What a life changing choice. One that I will forever be grateful for. They are most definitely my heros! I can't wait to meet a birth mother that will make the decision that makes us parents here on earth! It's hard to describe the love and respect I have for birth parents.

➪If you could tell the world just one thing, what would it be? (is anyone else singing Jewel at this point? I can't stop!) It's all okay. Kidding! I would tell the world that, "Adoption is an Option!" A lot of teenagers and unwed mothers don't realize that adoption is an option for whatever reason. Maybe they are afraid of what their friends and family would say or maybe they are afraid of the pain and hurt that comes with adoption. Whatever reason, it seems like so many are fearful of adoption. I would love to educate the world about adoption. That is how you get over your fears, right? Education? It seems like this is the case especially in small communities. Maybe. Maybe not.

➪If there was no chance in failing, would you do something different?
Oh would I! I would do so many things different. Why are we so scared of failure? I am terrified of it. It's okay to fall on your face sometimes. It is! It only makes you that much better and that much more prepared the next time around! If only it were that easy. Let's see... here are a few things that I would do differently. I would have gone to an big out of state school. I would have gone into architect or advertising or design. I would be creative! I would create. Maybe try my hand at painting, drawing, sculpting. I would go get my teaching degree in mathematics. I would run! I would get a real job! I would blog about my feelings more often. I would write a blog post good enough to post on AubreyMo.com . Oh the things I would do! So... what's stopping me?

➪What was an important lesson you learned growing up? I think for sure, it was to WORK HARD! No matter what you are doing, work hard. Go the extra mile and do what it takes to get things done. You aren't going anywhere if you don't work hard.

➪What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you? All I can think is embarrassing moment, which I won't share here. I'm still embarrassed. But if anyone else can think of something, go ahead... share. I will keep thinking, but I can't come up with anything at this point in time.

➪Do you have any brothers or sisters? In fact, I do! I have a younger sister JaKell (28) who is married to Brandon. She has three kids (CamRee, Tryen, and HadiLee) and two step kids (Gillian and Brynnley). Then I have a younger brother Jace (26) who is married to Tina. They have three dogs (Aspen, Tyke, and Mojo). Then last but not least is Chet (18). He is single and starting a new job! (oh and a dog named Diamond! And a family dog named Camo)

➪What is your middle name? Lee

➪Name five favorite things about your hubby:
Only five? ;)
1-He is creative! I love what he can do with a paintbrush or with a computer. He is definitely talented. I could look at his paintings and artwork for hours. He listens to my suggestions and doesn't get upset when I critique his art (even though I know nothing about art). I LOVE talking art with him.
2-His desire for children. I always wanted a large family. With the infertility issues and adoption challenges we have faced, I have decided that I want two kids at the most. He still has hopes and dreams of a large family. A little heart ache can't get him down. As far as a large family, we'll see. I'm still set on two.
3-He always shows his respect for me. He always opens my door, always walks on the outside, always lets me go first, always makes me feel special. He is always there to do little favors and errands for me. Most of the time I know he doesn't want to, but he does it anyways without complaining. I don't have to question if he loves me.
4-He gets so exited over little things. Anything to do with Apple/Macs, movie previews, electronics, TV's, just anything. He comes home and tells me all about what he read about that day. Sometimes I have no idea what he's talking about, but it's fun to see him so excited.
5-He loves the Lord. He honors his Priesthood. He is always ready to serve others and do the best that he can. He tries hard to be the best he can at his calling, he always has great comments to make, he can be counted on when given an assignment, he has a testimony and is not afraid to share it, he helps me be a better person. We aren't perfect by any means, not even close. With Dustyn's help, we are continually trying to better our lives and the loves of those around us.

➪If I lived closer, would you eat Fat Sticks with me? PS we should eat them anyway. Uhm... heck yah! Let's go! Aubs, I am glad we share an obsession with Fat Sticks. We should totally have Fat Sticks soon! P.S. You should meet my friend Carrie. We should all have Fat Sticks!

➪Am I your favorite? (Wait. Don't answer that). Srsly. Do you even have to ask?

➪Umm... weren't we going to swap blog posts?!?! We totally need to get on that!

➪What is your favorite place to eat? Okay, what place isn't my favorite, really. Let's see... there's Texas Roadhouse, Fat Jack's, Cafe Rio, Jason's Deli, anything Thai, Steve's Steakhouse, Zupas, Spaghetti Factory, Cheesecake Factory, Melting Pot, Chili's, and many, many more.

➪What is your favorite Wii game and what is your highest score? Well it would for sure be Dr. Mario! I LOVE that game. I don't know what my highest score is, but I don't really know of anyone who can beat me. My dad can occasionally.

➪Why did you name your daughter Hannah? Do you have names for your future children? It was kind of a joke when I was in college and in my 20's. I would always say, "Oh my Hannah!". I always joked that I would name my daughter that. When Dustyn and I got married we talked about both liking the name Hannah. I didn't think we would ever actually use it. When Hannah was born, we didn't really know how old the baby had to be in order to give her a name and a blessing. Just in case, we came up with a name quickly and that is what we came up with. (We later learned that she was not old enough)
We do have names for our future children. We have a boy name and a girls name. I hope we get to use both. I would share them, but I don't want to just yet. ;)

➪Who is your favorite friend in Stansbury Park? Stansbury Park? Where's that? Ha ha! Kidding! It would definitely have to be Anika! ;) Oh yeah and for sure her mom!

➪If you could live anywhere in Utah, where would you live? Yes, Arianne, I wish I could live closer to you, but I really, really love Sevier valley. I don't think I could ever leave. It's my most favorite place in Utah. Maybe you should retire here. ;)

➪How big was the biggest deer you ever shot? If it wasn't 2AM, I'd go find a picture to scan in! It was when I was 16, my first deer. A 3 X 4. We shot it and were back in town before 7AM on opening morning. Nice.

➪When are you going to come see me? Soon! When are you going to come see me? ;)

➪What is your favorite store to shop at? I love, love, love Target most of all. Can't get enough. I love me some IKEA. I love American Eagle for Jeans, Maurices for shirts, and Keen shoes (where ever you can find them). If I were skinnier I'd shop at Gap, Banana Republic, etc. (oh, okay... and richer)

➪What is your favorite treat? I love Ice Cream (it can't be thick or creamy. Ew) or popsicles. Mostly anything cold.

➪What is your favorite hobby when you have free time? I know I mentioned some before, but I wanna add photography in there. I love taking pictures and learning photoshop. I also love going to the school with Dustyn. I need to learn some more hobbies. I would love how to do more handcrafts.

➪What is on your birthday wishlist? Hmm... I don't know just yet. I will post about it when I have thought more about it. It's a very important list, you know. :D

I think that is all on this edition of "Getting to know Lady Queen Kam!"
Until next time, have a great Thursday!

Lost.

I hate it when I lose something important.  Something that means everything to me.  

I know I have mentioned it before, but I lost all the pictures that we took the day that Hannah was born.  (The hospital gave us a disposable camera)   I honestly don't think I have seen them for years.  I have no idea where to look.  I have looked everywhere time and time again.  But still, they are lost.

Tonight, I suddenly had the urgency to find them!  I must find them tonight.  That is all that I have thought about all day (and well...  for the past 3.5+ years).  All day I imagined looking for the photos and finding them and writing a nice post with a new picture of my beautiful daughter to post with it.  A picture of our little family together.  Maybe heal my heart a little.

I can't find them.

I have searched all the places that I have searched a million times and they still aren't there.  (There aren't many places to search in our house).  I would stay up all night looking, if I knew where to look.

It always makes me completely sick.  Physically sick.  How could I possibly lose the only pictures of my daughter?  (We still have the ones the hospital took, thankfully)  I mean really, where could they have gone?  Did we leave them at our previous house?  Should I go knock on the door and ask?  Can I really go another year without finding them?  After 4 years, I thought we would find them.  I need to find them.

With or without pictures...  

Happy Angel Day my baby.  I love you so much.  I can't wait to be with you again. 

I thought this year would be easier.  I thought after 4 years my heart has begun to heal.  I know we will be with her again and I know she is with all of our many loved ones that have passed on.  How can I be sad?  And here I sit bawling like a baby because I can't find my pictures.   

I can't believe it's been 4 years.

Pass-along cards? Anyone? Anyone?

Do you ever have a hard time titling your post?  I do.

Well...  our pass-along cards are done! YAY!  I know most of you are thinking that it is about time we finally got on that.  I mean after all, it's only been two years!  I know!  Anyways, I'd love to share some with you!  If you want a few (when we get them... we don't actually have them yet.  But soon.  If you happen to be taking a trip to St. George soon, let me know!) email me your address and I will send you a few!  dustynkamieATgmailDOTcom   I am so excited to see them! Yipee!  THANK YOU UNCLE MATT!  Oh, and incase you missed it or forgot, we need your pass-along cards!  We have an adoption board hanging in Dustyn's classroom.  I am also going to take some to the local hospital and women's shelter.  So feel free to email me and I will send you my address.

Anyways... on to my day.  It was a pretty good one!  My dad text me and asked me if I wanted to attend a funeral with him.  Of course I said yes.  It was the funeral of his cousin's husband.  It really was a great funeral.  I am so glad I went.  Kent was a great man!  I didn't know him well and only saw him occasionally around the holidays.  But I learned a lot about him today.  He really lived a good life.  He was a great man who was loved by many!

During the funeral there were so many great things that were said.  But since this week brings the 4th year anniversary of losing our Hannah, there was one thing that stuck in my mind.  They were talking about life and how there are 3 stages.  Kind of like a 3 act play.  (President Packer has talked about this before)  We are currently in the 2nd act.  When we leave the 1st act and come into the 2nd act (this mortal existence) there are so many people that are happy to see us and to be a part of our lives.  It is the same way when we leave this life.  We may feel sad, but there are so many more people on the other side that are happy to see our loved ones, just as it was when we arrived on earth.  It makes me happy to think about all my many wonderful relatives that have passed on that are taking care of my baby.  She is there with so many dear people.  My grandfather, Dustyn's father, Dustyn's sister, and many, many great grandparents... just to name a few.  How can we be sad about that?  She is with people we love who love her dearly.  What a blessed plan our Heavenly Father created.  He loves us so much.  I am so thankful of the knowledge that I have of the Plan of Salvation!  I am so excited to be reunited with my dear family members who have passed on.  And even meet a few that I never had the opportunity to know.  What a happy day!  (But I am hoping it is about 50+ years down the road!  :)

After the funeral, my dad and I picked up Dustyn and we went for a drive to see if we could see any deer.  We saw two bucks, but no luck.  Maybe tomorrow.

It really turned out to be a good day.  

There were so many other things that I wanted to say today, but my brain is blank.  So I guess that is all for a Monday.  We'll see how Tuesday turns out!

October

Can you believe it is already October?  Seriously, were did the year go?

I am completely excited that it is fall.  I love fall.  It is my most favorite time of the year.  October marks a lot of major events in our lives.  It's kinda a special month for us, full of emotions, memories, traditions, and fun.

5 years ago this month, Dustyn and I started dating!  It was 5 years ago this month that I found the best husband that there could possibly be for me.  He is amazing and I am completely lucky that I found him!  Can you believe it's been 5 years?  I can not believe that in 3 month I will have been married 5 years!  That is just crazy.  I feel like it was just yesterday.

4 years ago this month, our angel baby, Hannah, came to earth for a short moment. We are thankful for her and for her presence in our lives.  She is such a strength to us and continually turns our thoughts to Heaven and Eternal Life.  She helps us be the people that we need to be.  She gives us strength to keep going.  She reminds us daily of our Eternal plan.  What a blessing.

2 years ago this month, we were officially approved to adopt!  What an amazing journey the past 2+ year have been.  I can not even begin to tell you what I have learned.  I have learned more about myself.  More than I ever thought I wanted to know, but it turns out, I'm not so bad!  I didn't know who I was.  Slowly through trial and error, I am finding myself and the person that I really want to be.

I have learned about Dustyn, about our marriage.  What a miracle to be married to Dustyn for all time and all eternity.  Through all the trials, we sit and wonder what in the world we were suppose to learn.  What good can we take out of our pain and heartache?  Somehow we always find it.  We are together and that is all that matters.  If we never have children here on this earth, I will always be blessed to have Dustyn.  He's all I need on this earth.  I know I have eternity to raise and be with my children.  Now, that doesn't mean that I don't want to have children here, but I am happy to have the eternal family that I have!

Adoption.  Seriously, this is the work of the Lord.  He truly knows what we need and when we need it.  Adoption is such an amazing program.  I mean, something that ends in an eternal family sealed in the Temple for all time and eternity.  Can there be anything more special?  My heart is so full of love for adoption.  My whole and complete heart is in adoption.  I wish I could explain with words how I feel, but I fear there is nothing I can say to explain the feelings of my heart.  Just know, that I feel the love of Christ in adoption.  What an amazing work.

I am not the same person I was two years ago.  I have completely changed through love, heartaches, and experiences.  I will never be the same person I once was and for that I am grateful.

I love October.  I love what it represents to me and my little eternal family.  I love that no matter how sad I am during October, I can find happiness in my Heavenly Father and in his son Jesus Christ.  He is there for me!  He wants me to be happy!  And when he feels we are ready, he will bless us with miracles.  What a loving Heavenly Father we have.  We are so blessed.

I love October!

More random thoughts on a Monday.

~I thought about making a post for Brandon's birthday, yet neglected to do it!  So HAPPY BIRTHDAY Brandon!  I hope you had a great day.

~On Saturday we were able to go to SLC and go through a session in the SLC Temple.  Brandon received his endowments that day.  It really was amazing.  I love the Temple.

~My wisdom teeth holes are really starting to get sore.  They weren't so bad last week.  I think because they were so swollen.  The swelling has finally gone down a little, but that is just making it hurt worse.  Oh well.

~Today was a very productive day!  That is a good change for me!

~I don't have to babysit until 12:00 tomorrow.  The entire house is pretty much clean and laundry is done.  Whatever will I do?  I need to go to the Library and get a new book.

~I have been going to read "The Host" but I left it in Dustyn's classroom.

~Dustyn and I are listening to Twilight.  :)  We are about a quarter of the way through - and he's still listening!  :)  We'll see if I can get him past Twilight.  Right now his favorite character is Mike.  Ha ha.  I am totally kidding.  Mike is his favorite character to make fun of.  It's quite funny.

~I totally miss Dustyn.  He got home late and then two hours later he had to head to the hospital to check in for his sleep study.  :P  I miss him.

~Over the weekend, Greg and Arianne let us stay at their house.  It was so fun to see them, and they are so sweet to let us spend the night.  Even though we had to leave by 7:00AM.  And Anika... she totally cracks me up.  I love her.

~One of the couples in our local FSA were placed with a baby this week!  We are super excited for them!  

~It has officially been two years since we have been approved to adopt.  

~Coming up this next month, it will be 4 years since we lost our sweet Hannah!  Man, time flies.

~We are hoping to get pass-along cards here soon.  If you would like to have some, feel free to send me your address (dustynkamieATgmailDOTcom).  You might get some even if you don't send it to me!  ;)  

~Well I think I am off to bed.  I am pretty tired tonight.

~More randomness tomorrow.  G'Night.

Love. Eternal Love.

Today was Dustyn's Grandpa's Funeral. It was a really good service. It was fun to hang out and talk to so many relatives that I don't know very well. I mean Dustyn and I have been together almost 5 years, but most of them live out of state. It was a really nice day. Grandpa Freeman really was an amazing man. I am sad I never really got to know him.

At the beginning of the funeral, they were reading the obituary. Something caught me completely off guard. Dustyn's sweet mom included our Hannah. As they were reading her name, I stopped and thought, are they talking about my Hannah? At that point, I lost it. I had a complete meltdown. It has been a long time since I have done that. I was sobbing. (At least I was at a Funeral so I didn't look so crazy - although it started during the opening song and I was on the front row!) I talk about her all the time, but there was something about someone else saying her name out loud that completely caught me off guard and brought back so many emotions. (And it meant so much to me that she was included) But I wasn't sad. I was so happy. Happy that I know I will be with her again. Happy to be her Mother. I was a complete wreck the entire funeral. I am sure the people around me were a little confused, because Grandpa Freeman's funeral really was a happy one and a time to celebrate his 94 years of life. I have only known him 5 of those years (almost). But I sat sobbing - the entire time.

It felt good to feel her again. It has been something I have missed (not the sobbing in public). I love knowing that I can still feel her, even though it isn't as constant as it use to be. I know she is there. She will always be my baby.



Grandpa Freeman, we love you! Thanks for the legacy you left us. What an amazing man you are.

Eson Milton Freeman

Eson Milton Freeman passed away on Saturday, August 16, 2008 at his daughter's home. He was born in Yucon, Idaho on March 28, 1914 to Milton John and Lydia Stewart Adams Freeman. He was called to serve an LDS mission from 1936-1938 in Canada. He married his sweetheart, Maurine Dustin in the Salt Lake Temple on March 8, 1940. They had six children.

Milton farmed in Osgood, Idaho until finding a position as a laborer in the AEC Plant when it opened in Arco. He studied and achieved his Journeyman Electrician's license. He volunteered as a civilian electrician in Vietnam from 1966-1968. He worked in construction until his retirement in 1976. He worked on small motors for Kirby vacuums plus being a door-to-door salesman.

He held many positions in the church, including Bishop, YM President, a teacher of many organizations and a fireside favorite! He and his wife served two missions: Hartford, CT in 1986 and Fiji Islands in 1988.

Milton's mind was sharp right to the end and he never lost his sense of humor. He is survived by two daughters and two sons: Myrna Allen, Marva Ward, David Milton (Nancy) Freeman and Dallas Dustin (Penny) Freeman; two sisters: Lavela Petersen and Nada Meikle; 22 grandchildren and 40 great-grandchildren. He was preceded in death by his parents; daughter, Millene (Stan) Murphy and son, Daniel Morley Freeman; granddaughters Lynea Allen and Dilene Murphy; great-granddaughter Hannah Allen; and five siblings.

Funeral services will be held on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 11:00 a.m. in the Genola LDS Chapel, Main & Center, Genola, Utah. Friends may call from 9:30-10:45 a.m. prior to the services at the chapel. Interment will be in the Provo City Cemetery, 610 S. State, Provo. Condolences may be sent to info@bergmortuary.com.

Finally Back . . .

to blog world. It was so great to go on Vacation, but I am so not ready to be back to real life. (Although, we still have a little under a month of summer vacation left, then real life starts up again for real!)

Vacation was good, more on that later. I have a lot to post, but it may take me awhile. It is so hard for me to blog in the Summer time. :)

I have to apologize to all my favorite bloggers for my lack of comments. I think there were about 175 posts on my reader when I got home. So basically I am doing well just getting caught up on everyone! So I will get back to commenting soon! But I have read all your posts. Just too lazy to comment.

I came across some really exciting posts like this one, this one and this one. So many wonderful things happening!

But my heart broke when I came across Marc and Megan's blog. My thoughts and prayers have been with them. I wish I could be there. I wish I could hug them and cry with them. I wish I could help their hearts heal. I wish I knew the answers. But what an amazing reunion when we are all with our babies again. Love you guys.

My friend Kim wrote a post a week or so ago about Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage. I have thought a lot about it since then. It seems like I have so many friends experiencing pregnancy/infant loss right now. It hurts me to know they are hurting. It also makes my heart yearn for my Hannah. Oh how I miss her. But I am thankful Kim posted this.  I am thankful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have that Families Can be Together Forever!  This is what gets me through the tough times.  I am so excited to know and learn about my sweet baby.   

My Sweet Hannah

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you baby girl!

Three years today.

I can't believe it has been three years since we held our Hannah in our arms and said goodbye for a little while.

We love you sweet baby!

Hannah Nicole

*due to people downloading this picture, I have decided to remove it from my blog. Thank you*
As requested, here is a full picture of Hannah! I can't find the other ones :( but I am sure they will turn up. We have some of us holding her so you can see how big she is. I will find them.

Born October 23, 2004 in Richfield, Utah
6 oz 8.5 inches long

We miss you and love you Hannah!

**Again, if these picture bother anyone, let me know. Thanks!

Hannah

Today as I was surfing my regular blogs, I came across one that made me sad. :( A sweet couple had just lost their baby. My mind was flooded with thoughts of Hannah. I can't believe it has been almost three years since she left this earth to live with her Heavenly Father. We miss her and can't wait to be reunited with her again. I know without a doubt that Familes are Forever and that we will be with her again. October is always a hard month. It's the month where I hide out at home and hope that no one sees me or talks to me. I avoid all social activities and stay home. But it's also one of my all time favorite months.

When I think back I also remember all the good things as well. All the love and support that helped make us through the first few months. Of course it still hurts and of course I still think about her everyday, but that is because we love her so much.

**I hope the picture doesn't bother anyone too much. If it does, let me know. I am sure that most of you never got see her pictures.

Today is Hilary's due date!

Wow! I can't believe it is here! Today is the day that Hilary is due with Gremlin! We are so excited and can't wait until she is ready to meet the world.

It seems like not too long ago that we found out that we were expecting. Then holding our sweet Hannah in our arms. And then filling out paperwork for adoption and doing the homestudy trying to get ready to adopt a baby. Then trying to get the nursery ready for a sweet baby. Then picking out the stroller, carseat, crib, diaper bag and all the many assessories for a baby. Waiting and waiting to get that phone call or that one special contact. It all seems like not long ago. But it feels like we have been longing to have a baby in our home for an eternity.

Could this really be it? Could we finally have a sweet little girl in our arms? Soon? A baby to love? A baby to steal our attention? A baby to change our lives forever? Is the wait finally over? Can we finally open our heart and love a special little life? More than we can even imagine?

We hope and pray that things will work out and that our hearts will be healed. We keep waiting for the phone call to tell us that everything is ready for us in Pennsylvania and that our beautiful daughter is there waiting to leave her wonderful mother to make the long trip home to Utah. Hilary, who gave her life. Someone who our little sweetheart will look up to and admire for life. Will it happen today? Tomorrow? We don't know. But the excitement and anxiety is almost too much to hold in.

Hilary. We love you and can't wait to see you. We admire your strength. Your love. Your courage. Your heart. Your compassion. Your understanding. Your patience. You.