One year ago. And yet it seems so fresh in my memory. And still I wish I could remember every detail, every word spoken. I'd love to relive that day over and over again.
I remember being so nervous.
I was so nervous I could have thrown up. And I almost did on numerous occasions. My mind was racing at all of the different possibilities. The only details I knew were swirling in my head, and had been for the previous ten days. Korin, boy, April 5th. Korin, boy, April 5th. That is all we knew about Gage's beautiful Korin. And that is all that I could think about.
I wondered what she would look like, what she would think about us, how this whole face-to-face would go. I was freaking out. I do not do too well with social functions and meeting people. I get nervous. What do I do when I get nervous? I talk. I talk a lot. I make bad jokes. You know Chandler Bing? I am Chandler Bing.
And that is exactly what I did.
We drove up in my Tacoma (totally missing it, by the way). As we pulled into the parking lot, I scanned everyones faces and wondered if any of them could be Korin. I wondered if she was watching for us. (She had the advantage here, she had seen pictures of us from our profile). It was a cold and snowy day. Dustyn had taken the day off and we had headed up early. We wanted to make sure that we had plenty of time to get there, and by plenty I mean we had hours to kill.
Good thing I had Aubrey to keep me sane. I just love her. She knew about Korin and about our face-to-face. She kept me calm as I was texting her all morning. She is a life saver.
We went into the LDSFS Office. I had to go to the bathroom. I honestly thought I was going to puke. Dustyn talked to the receptionist and we waited a few minutes. Finally they ushered us into Korin's case worker's office. She told us a little bit about Korin and said that they were running late. As we waited, they tried to shoot the breeze with us. I definitely didn't want small talk at the moment. It was just making more antsy. We sat in silence. That was even worse. I think we were in there 30 minutes or so, but I could be wrong. It seemed like hours.
The secretary beeped in and told P that Korin was here. My heart started racing, gigantic knot in my stomach. I have no idea why I was so nervous. We had met numerous birth mother's before. Why was this one so different? P went and talked to Korin for a moment and then brought her in.
She was beautiful! And so cute! I instantly knew that I knew her. I didn't know how or when, but I knew that I knew her. I can't even explain it. We hugged and she sat down. Her mom and her son came along with her. We talked about her little boy a bit and kind of got acquainted. Of course I was nervous so I was talking fast and saying weird things and making bad jokes that no one got, and tried to ignore. Ha ha. P asked us some questions and we talked. It was awesome. I felt like a dork because I was being one, but I was in awe of Korin and her courage. I watched her with her son and knew I wanted to be a mother like Korin. I wanted to be the kind of mother that she was to her son.
I don't remember everything that was said. I remember a few questions here and there, but I do remember falling in love with Korin and her family. I wish I could get transcripts so I could remember every word that was spoken. (but then again, maybe not. I really was a dork) I am thankful that I can still remember how I felt. Those feelings and emotions are what I don't want to forget.
It was time to leave. We stood and hugged. I think I hugged Korin's mom first. After I hugged Korin, she told us that she wanted us to be her baby's parents. I immediately started sobbing. And I mean sobbing. I hugged her again and cried. Our case workers had stepped out for a minute. We said goodbye and I was walking out of the room when the case workers saw us and instantly were concerned. They left us in the room for 30 seconds alone and suddenly I come out sobbing? They were frantically asking what happened and what was wrong. Our case worker took us and P ran back in to be with Korin and her mom. They were in damage control mode. Our case worked tried to talk to us. I told him that she had chose us, but I don't think he understood (or maybe he was just being cautious. I think we were the last people he needed to be cautious with! ha ha). I don't even remember what he was saying, but I just remember laughing because I was beaming and he was still in damage control. It was all quite hilarious.
We decided to head on out. As we walked out of the room we were in, we met Korin and her family at the door. Apparently they had just finished talking to P. We said goodbye again and headed to our truck. I was still shocked that this was actually happening to us.
Dustyn I went to IKEA and had a piece of Chocolate Cake to celebrate. We also went to Target and bought Gage's first outfit. As we drove home, I tried and tried to figure out who Korin reminded me of or how I knew her. It was one of the most amazing days I had had, up to that point. The past year has been full of amazing days. More than I ever imagined possible.
You are right, this post if full of gramatical errors. I feel sorry for your eyes and brain.
