happy birth mother's day

to our beautiful Korin.


We are so grateful for you.

We are grateful for your love.


It is because of you that I celebrate my second Mother's day with Joy.

Because with Gage, our days are full of happiness.

(And blurry pictures. That boy can move!)

We love you! Happy Birth Mother's Day!

to my valentine.

to my shorter valentine

(wrong song, last time. i'm a dork)

happy 7 years babe

(apparently I forgot to add the photo? Whoops!)

i love this man.

i love the father that he is to our son.

i love how he loves and supports me.

i love how he'll do anything for me, even if i have already asked him a million times in the last hour.

i love that he does his best to support our family.

i love the example that he is to me and to gage.

i love that he loves the Lord and tries his best to live the gospel.

i love that he makes me want to try harder every day.

i love you Dustyn. Thank you for the best seven years. I can not wait to see what the next year holds for our family.

The best Christmas ever.

We had a wonderful and magical Christmas this year. It was one of those Christmases that i have waited my whole life to have and it did not disappoint.

I am sure that you can figure out just who the star was?

Gage was a pro at opening presents. He loved the paper and bows, but he was just as excited to see what was inside of them. I was surprised. 

We had a great time on Christmas Eve at my Grandma's house. Gage loved all the kids and all the attention. He was having so much fun that there was not a chance of him sleeping. I think we finally got him to bed around eleven-thirty. He was so excited to be at grandma's house. 

We stayed up way too late on Christmas Eve. Gage was exhausted when he woke up Christmas morning. He about fell asleep on our bed before we even got to the exciting part.
(which is so not typical of him. he is the busiest baby ever)

We finally went over to my parents to open presents. But first we had to try on Grandpa's glasses.

While we were opening presents, Gage was so tired he could barely stand it.

We finally had to take a break and let him have a nap.

He was much happier when he woke up.

He received so many cute toys and a lot of cute new clothes. Santa brought him a Little People Farm. :) He has definitely been enjoying all the new toys! And I love all the new clothes. :)

We even watch a little football. Gage loves watching football at Grandpa's house.

Grandma Dotson definitely knows Gage. This t-shirt describes him perfectly. He loves to growl.

We had the best Christmas ever and we received the best gift of all.
I will always be grateful to my Father in Heaven and to Korin for Gage's first Christmas.
It was definitely a dream come true.
And the best Christmas gift ever.

nine

NINE months ago today, our bouncy, happy, busy Gage was born.

I can not imagine life without him.

Today we think of his beautiful Korin. You have made this Christmas Day full of joy. More joy than we thought our hearts would ever feel. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life.

You will always be part of us.

We love you with all of our hearts.

Merry Christmas Korin. 

dear grandpa

i miss you.

i can't believe you are gone.



i can't stop the tears from falling.

it's funny all the things you wish you would have done once someone passes away.

why don't we do those things everyday?

why is this the only picture i can find of you with gage?

i wish he would have had the opportunity to know you when he grew up.

i'm so thankful for the time you spent with him.

we love you.

we will never forget you or the fun memories we have of you.

we will never forget the way you served those around you.

i can't wait to tell gage about his great-grandpas. such wonderful men.



you are always in our hearts.



we love you forever. xoxo

dustyn, kamie and gage

life changing moments

One year ago today, we had one of those life changing moments.

One year ago. And yet it seems so fresh in my memory. And still I wish I could remember every detail, every word spoken. I'd love to relive that day over and over again.

I remember being so nervous.

I was so nervous I could have thrown up. And I almost did on numerous occasions. My mind was racing at all of the different possibilities. The only details I knew were swirling in my head, and had been for the previous ten days. Korin, boy, April 5th. Korin, boy, April 5th. That is all we knew about Gage's beautiful Korin. And that is all that I could think about.

I wondered what she would look like, what she would think about us, how this whole face-to-face would go. I was freaking out. I do not do too well with social functions and meeting people. I get nervous. What do I do when I get nervous? I talk. I talk a lot. I make bad jokes. You know Chandler Bing? I am Chandler Bing.

And that is exactly what I did.

We drove up in my Tacoma (totally missing it, by the way). As we pulled into the parking lot, I scanned everyones faces and wondered if any of them could be Korin. I wondered if she was watching for us. (She had the advantage here, she had seen pictures of us from our profile). It was a cold and snowy day. Dustyn had taken the day off and we had headed up early. We wanted to make sure that we had plenty of time to get there, and by plenty I mean we had hours to kill.

Good thing I had Aubrey to keep me sane. I just love her. She knew about Korin and about our face-to-face. She kept me calm as I was texting her all morning. She is a life saver.

We went into the LDSFS Office. I had to go to the bathroom. I honestly thought I was going to puke. Dustyn talked to the receptionist and we waited a few minutes. Finally they ushered us into Korin's case worker's office. She told us a little bit about Korin and said that they were running late. As we waited, they tried to shoot the breeze with us. I definitely didn't want small talk at the moment. It was just making more antsy. We sat in silence. That was even worse. I think we were in there 30 minutes or so, but I could be wrong. It seemed like hours.

The secretary beeped in and told P that Korin was here. My heart started racing, gigantic knot in my stomach. I have no idea why I was so nervous. We had met numerous birth mother's before. Why was this one so different? P went and talked to Korin for a moment and then brought her in.

She was beautiful! And so cute! I instantly knew that I knew her. I didn't know how or when, but I knew that I knew her. I can't even explain it. We hugged and she sat down. Her mom and her son came along with her. We talked about her little boy a bit and kind of got acquainted. Of course I was nervous so I was talking fast and saying weird things and making bad jokes that no one got, and tried to ignore. Ha ha. P asked us some questions and we talked. It was awesome. I felt like a dork because I was being one, but I was in awe of Korin and her courage. I watched her with her son and knew I wanted to be a mother like Korin. I wanted to be the kind of mother that she was to her son.

I don't remember everything that was said. I remember a few questions here and there, but I do remember falling in love with Korin and her family. I wish I could get transcripts so I could remember every word that was spoken. (but then again, maybe not. I really was a dork) I am thankful that I can still remember how I felt. Those feelings and emotions are what I don't want to forget.

It was time to leave. We stood and hugged. I think I hugged Korin's mom first. After I hugged Korin, she told us that she wanted us to be her baby's parents. I immediately started sobbing. And I mean sobbing. I hugged her again and cried. Our case workers had stepped out for a minute. We said goodbye and I was walking out of the room when the case workers saw us and instantly were concerned. They left us in the room for 30 seconds alone and suddenly I come out sobbing? They were frantically asking what happened and what was wrong. Our case worker took us and P ran back in to be with Korin and her mom. They were in damage control mode.  Our case worked tried to talk to us. I told him that she had chose us, but I don't think he understood (or maybe he was just being cautious. I think we were the last people he needed to be cautious with! ha ha). I don't even remember what he was saying, but I just remember laughing because I was beaming and he was still in damage control. It was all quite hilarious.

We decided to head on out. As we walked out of the room we were in, we met Korin and her family at the door. Apparently they had just finished talking to P. We said goodbye again and headed to our truck. I was still shocked that this was actually happening to us.

Dustyn I went to IKEA and had a piece of Chocolate Cake to celebrate. We also went to Target and bought Gage's first outfit. As we drove home, I tried and tried to figure out who Korin reminded me of or how I knew her. It was one of the most amazing days I had had, up to that point. The past year has been full of amazing days. More than I ever imagined possible.

You are right, this post if full of gramatical errors. I feel sorry for your eyes and brain. 

so much love

We had the most amazing weekend ever.

Seriously, it could not have been better.

Korin met us up at the Temple after Gage's sealing and then traveled down to attend Gage's blessing. It was so great to see her. I have missed her so much. What a perfect weekend.

I have more to say, but for now I will leave you with a few pictures. (can you believe we didn't even take any after the temple. It was so cold, windy and rainy. Freezing!)

we are an eternal family

oh how I love this boy

placement eve

I know I haven't really posted Gage's adoption story yet. I hope that someday I will. It's so hard to write it out and commit to remembering it a certain way when I know I could never recount it in a way that my heart remembers it. How do you capture the emotions, love, heartache, fear, and pain that comes with an adoption. You can't. It will never be as perfect as it was those few days we were able to spend with Korin.

A month or so ago I wrote a guest post for Aubrey. Since then, this post has been swirling around and around in my head. I wasn't going to post it, but it's the only way to stop it from swirling. :) Who knows how many times I will come back and edit it to try and make it perfect.

As I was writing my guest post, I started thinking back and remembering the days before placement. Remembering those raw, raw emotions brought tears to my eyes. (okay, so I may or may not be crying now)

The night before placement, Dustyn and I were in our hotel room. We were doing anything to pass the time. Dustyn was watching TV or something and I was trying to prepare the gift that we had purchased for Korin. It had to be perfect. But... how could it be perfect? She was placing her baby in my arms. Her child. The baby she carried in her womb and delivered only 24 hours ago. I was giving her pictures and few items that I hoped would remind her how much we love her. It felt inadequate. A gift could never tell her the way we felt about her.

As Dustyn and I crawled into bed, we laid awake. As I laid in his arms, the tears came.

"I won't be mad if she changes her mind. I want her to change her mind. I can't watch her hurt. It's too much, I can't do this. I want to be the one hurting."

"I know," Dustyn agreed with me and hugged me a little tighter.

As I laid there sobbing, I remembered that this was Korin's choice for Gage. She wanted to place him in our home. Adoption was her choice.

That didn't make it much easier, but it gave me strength to know that we could do this and it was what Korin wanted. Her strength and courage made me stronger. It made me a better mother.

The first time I held Gage, moments after he was born.

On the day of placement, my heart broke into a million pieces as Korin placed Gage in my arms and said goodbye for the last time. As she walked out of the room and the door closed, I cried. I sobbed. The hardest I have ever cried in my life. This precious baby in my arms was my baby. I was a mother. Because of a beautiful young woman named Korin.

Korin with Gage saying goodbye.

I wish I could relive those days again. I wish I could hug her a few more times. I wish I could tell her again and again how much she means to me and how much I love her.

Adoption is the most amazing blessing I have ever been a part of. It is the Lord's plan. He loves us and wants what is best for us. He knows what we need and when we need it. The hard part is putting our trust in the Lord. I think back to the three and a half years that we were waiting and hoping for a baby. I know there was pain. I know there was discouragement. I know I cried myself to sleep more than I care to admit. Today, as I sit and rock my baby boy (okay, so maybe it's not really rocking as much as him jumping on me. Ha ha!) I can not remember the pain I experienced. I know it was there, but he makes every minute worth it.

I can't believe that in 15 (or so) short days, Gage will officially be a part of our family. Legally, at least. He's very much a part of our family now, as much as he was the day we found out a young woman had chosen us to be her baby boy's parents. I can't wait to take him into the house of our Lord and be sealed to him eternally. I feel like my heart is going to explode with love and joy. What an amazing gift. I can't wait until I can tell him all about it.

it's the random post

I want to get back to blogging again. 

Real blogging, with actual words.

I need to. I want to remember these days with my cute baby.

Since July is my most favorite month, I am hoping for a blog everyday. We will see if I can deliver! It shouldn't be hard with this cute face around.

Things have been so good at our house.

Dustyn is out of school for the summer, so we just chill and hang out together all day. I love it. I am already dreading school starting again. Luckily we still have another month and a half. 

(this photo was taken today)

Dustyn and I had the opportunity to attend a Yearbook Camp up at Snowbird. We took 4 students with us. It was a lot of fun and even more work. I am glad we were able to go, but I missed my baby way too much. I don't think anyone will ever be able to convince me to leave him again. We found out as soon as we were up there that we could have taken him. I was pretty bummed. I know he had fun at grandpa and grandma's house, but we sure missed him. We were gone for three days. Of course I didn't even take one picture. I left my camera with Grandpa and Grandma.

 (my younger brother Chet and Gage)

 (bath time in Grandma's sink)

(Gage loves to laugh for his Grandpa and definitely Chet)

I am so excited it's July! I am sure you all remember how much I love July! I am so excited for the 4th! G is too! I picked out his 4th of July outfit long before he was born. I haven't even tried it on him because I am trying to save it for the big day! So exciting!

As many of you know, Gage is getting a few more cousins within the next year. Hooray. I am so excited, but more about that later. We are hoping for at least one boy. :) 

Dustyn and I went to Eclipse with Jace and Katie. It was pretty fun. The theater we went to was terrible. The sound was horrible. Gage didn't mind. He slept the entire time. Of course. (did I mention he's the best baby ever?) 

(after the movie at Jace and Katie's House)

This was his 2nd movie. His first was the A-Team at the drive-in. He did awesome during that movie too. Me on the other hand... I totally missed the whole movie. I was completely distracted and couldn't tell what was being said. Really? I wasted my 5 bucks. I can't wait to go again! I love the drive-in. I think Toy Story 3 is there this weekend. We might have to go to another movie! It has been months since we have been to a movie, I guess now we are trying to pack them all in and make up for lost time. I don't mind. 

I love being a mother. I love Gage more than ever. He's such a cute boy and is always smiling. He is a very content baby. He sleeps so good. We are so blessed to be a part of his life. We are so grateful to Korin. I miss her so much and I wish I could see her and give her a big hug and thank her for making us parents. She is my hero. I love her more than I can express.

I am reminded of her every time I look at my baby boy. I love that Gage looks just like her. His eyes, his smile, his hair. Everything. You can most definitely tell where he came from! I love that I have that little reminder of Korin every day. It always brings a smile to my face. The older he gets, the more of her we see in him. 

Gage went on his first camping trip a few weeks ago! He loved it. It rained pretty much the entire time so we stayed in the tent where it was nice and warm. This is what Gage thought of that.

Gage has some crazy hair. I love it.

It gets more and more unmanageable everyday. I can't get it to stay down or stand up. It has a mind of it's own and does what it wants. It is getting so thick and so long. I can't imagine having to cut it. We'll see just how crazy it gets.

These are some pictures from Katie's birthday on Tuesday. He wore this shirt just for her! (she bought it for him. It says, "Auntie said I could")

(I can not resist this face)

Life is pretty great. For sure.